Earthly Angel
by Eyrial
Summary: Edward has lived most of his life in misery but one person changes his life. How will he cope when a visitor arrives who threatens to take away everything meaning full in his life? How will he persuade Jane to see this mans true intentions? Now complete!
1. Pearl Necklace

I woke up as usual for a dream of Jane, my beloved; I knew that it was dream the instant I woke up. It was morning on a bright sunny day in the middle of June yet to me the world was black, in my dream I could see her. The other tell tale sign was the pearl necklace around my neck, I had vowed never to take it off until she came back to me; I expected I would die in that necklace.

I lay in my bed feeling useless; I knew that it wouldn't be long until John came in to help me dress. I know that it's the kind of work given to a maid not a man servant but I knew John wouldn't be repulsed by the scars on my body. I didn't want his wife Mary looking at my broken mutilated arm, the red ugly scars that ran long and wide across my chest, I wouldn't be able to see her face but I could imagine the horror, disgust and pity etched deep into it. My fists shook as I saw that look on her face in my mind, what woman would want me? Mary's face morphed into Jane's and I cried out in despair, not a moment went by when I didn't think about her. The angel I had lost, the lamb I had murdered in a rash act, even if she came back why would she want the shadow of a man I had become?

Once dressed I tried as best I could to get down to breakfast in a dignified manner, I cursed myself as stumbled when I tried to descend the stairs unaided. It wasn't the injuries I cursed, in Jane's absence I had resolved to turn to God and be a better person, more worthy of the one I had lost. Because of this I learned to accept my blindness and repulsive appearance as just punishment for trying to take one of God's greatest creations and devout followers from him and from his laws. It was myself I abhorred, the broken creature I had become was a result of firstly being a weak and pitiful young man when I fell for that monsters charms, secondly as a result I hated myself for hurting the one I loved best, I hurt her more than I want to think about if it was even half of what I felt and still feel she will be in unspeakable agony.

If I hadn't done those things I wouldn't be living for the sake existence, for the vain hope that one day my darling bird will fly home to find the creature she called my wife is dead and there is room in my arms for her. That is if she doesn't take one look at me and run; if she can ever trust me again.

In one way and one way alone my disfigurements are a blessing not a curse, I am no longer able to conduct any business, I cannot see and therefore cannot pass judgement on the state of repair of any part of my vast cursed estate. This leaves me free to sit alone in the dark that exists only in my eyes and remember, before she came to me that was an occupation I avoided vehemently for then my memories were bitter painful things.

Now I can remember her, everything about her, the look she got on her face when she was thirsting for a piece of knowledge, the day she defiantly claimed to be my equal and a free human being. I remember the day I returned home after a night away to find her waiting anxiously, how my heart warmed just to see her and her demonstration of love; my heart nearly stopped when she told me of how the beast had entered her chamber and torn that ridiculous veil I had insisted on buying her. From the smile on her face after I kissed her, to the defiant look on her face when I tried to spoil her, the look of love in her eye, to the mischievous glint when she teased and vexed me.

This too has its downsides; when I come out of my reverie smiling I remember that she is gone and I will never see her again. That day was a source of particular pain for it was not the pain of the present that plagued me; it was that of the past. I had breakfasted and resolved to spend the rest of my morning in my mind; living through every sweet moment; it was like a play I never tired of seeing or a book I never tired of reading. But that day my own memory turned on me; I saw the look on her face when Mason and that clerk Briggs told her the terrible truth of my past. I remembered the hours of desperate agony as I sat outside her door waiting to hear some cry of pain any sign that she felt what I felt, any sign that she was alive in that room that she barred me from. I saw her refuse my offers of bliss in the Mediterranean; I read in her eye the conflicting emotion as her heart told her to stay as she could see me getting desperate but her head telling her to leave me for her own sanity and for God.

Frustrated I pulled myself back into the bitter present that was empty of anything but pain and hate; true love lay there but it a love that made me feel as if I was missing the best part of myself. Without Jane I was a savage man; why did I need to be civilised when the only one I cared about was not here? She was probably far away either missing me as much as I miss her or dead. Was it really a year since I had proposed to her on the stormy midsummer's evening? How trivial all my worries were back then. Was it less than two years ago that I came raging through the mist like a positive villain, not giving a damn about anyone except myself and the misery I felt at having failed yet again to find that allusive form? How was I to know she was around the next bend, when that witch made Mesrour slip I cursed her but something about her kept her in my mind. I was relieved to discover that she belonged to my house hold, if I had tried to make her stay she may have run away terrified that my interest in her was dishonest. Well I guess it was. Was it only a few months since I had lost my sight? Those months seemed to have yawned into an eternity of grief.

Days and nights bled into one never ceasing dark existence, the only thing that ruled my life was the natural needs for food, water and sleep. I do not know how long I sat in that chair living through my past mistakes; but eventually my legs grew tired of my idleness and ached for a walk so I called for John. "John! Where the deuce is my stick? I wish to go outside." He and his wife Mary had got used to my manners, which had been tamed for a brief period while my fairy inhabited Thornfeild, now she was gone and the hall was burned to the ground my rudeness had returned with a vengeance.

I stood outside walking briefly round the flower beds; I heard the birds call and wished one of them could tell me where my Jane had gone. They must know of their own kind, I was in half a mind to try my best to entice the sprites and fairies out of their hiding places and ask for news of their queen. She had once told me that all the little green men abandoned England long ago, if that was the case what had brought her to my door. I heard a twig snap, the sound of human footfall; blindness makes all the other sense sharp. Once more I cursed my eyes and called out to the new comer in vain. There was no reply. For a minute I had hoped she had come back to me, alas it was not so. I grew cold for despite the fact that it was all warmth and sunshine, it did not touch this deep down into the forest just like the suns rays could not warm my cold, empty heart.

Once more I returned to that chair and sat in silence, there was some sort of commotion in the kitchen and Mary came to ask if I would receive a visitor. It was a long time since I had had company; I only wanted one person and it would not be in this world that I would see her again. I refused, why the devil would anyone want to see me in this state? I was a wreck of a man in more ways than one.

A short while later I called Mary, I was angry at something like I so often was those days, I believe I wanted candles. Soon she came in with a tray yet there was something different in her tread; it was slow but light and very quiet; Pilot went berserk. I was angry again, what was she waiting for? I was thirsty yet from the sound of it the glass would be nearly empty by the time she got to me, Pilot was no help as it seemed he was accosting her. In a firm voice she told Pilot to get down, that wasn't Mary's voice I knew to whom it belonged to but I didn't dare dream. I demanded to know where Mary was; the reply confirmed my suspicions straight away and my previously cold heart leapt into my mouth fully alive and beating like a wild thing. The reply was cheeky and even through the voice I would tell the exact expression she would have on her face. I began to talk desperately, reaching out with my hands searching for proof of the slight form that according to my ears should be standing right in front of me. _"Great God!-- What delusion has come over me? What sweet madness has seized me?" _I called. 

"_No delusion – no madness: your mind, sir, is too strong for delusion, your health to sound for frenzy."_ Was the sweet reply.

"_And where is the speaker? Is it only a voice? Oh! I cannot see, but I must feel, or my heart will stop and my brain burst. Whatever – whoever you are – be perceptible to the touch or I cannot live!" _I cried wildly and then finally my hand grasped hers and I knew that she was standing in front of me, my darling, my beautiful, my elfish Jane had returned to me. If her fingers where there so was the rest of her, I pulled her closer and found her whole being in front of me yet I could not quite believe what my sense were telling me. I was talking almost to myself asking if this could truly be real, ever the rationalist my Jane calmly stated that she was indeed home. She entreated me to touch her and find that she was indeed real. Still I refused to believe it was anything but a dream. Like the ones that so haunted me at night and tortured me in the day, a small matter of money confirmed to me that I was not dreaming yet the fact that she was independent stung and I immediately began to doubt.

Had she just come to see if I was still alive, now she had money and friends why would she need me? How long until she left; I had been given everything I had wanted for only a few moments yet something told me that it was to be torn away from me once again. I begged her not to leave and she told me that she never had any intention of doing so. Nothing can describe the relief and euphoria I felt at once again having her close to my side. I worried that my appearance was enough to scare her off but like always she replied in a teasing way, she liked to hide what she really felt, she was blunt but not painfully so. We sat for many hours just talking but she had been travelling for many days and wished to retire, the months of solitude had worn me down and I began to worry again. She tells me now that she did it to keep me from my misery but like the imp she was she left me tossing and turning by not answering a question I posed her. All I got was a goodnight and a slight laugh when I was anxious to know if she had spent the past year in the company of ladies,but not knowing was agony.

When I woke the next morning as usual the harsh reality hit me, last nights dream had seemed so real, I dreamt more details than I could possibly have imagined. I sat up in bed nearly weeping with bitter disappointment when I noticed something different, where was the familiar, warm weight that usually hung about my neck. Frantically I ran my hands along my bedside table causing many things to clatter to the floor but I did not care. Finally my hand clutched what I was looking for, a string of pearls lay in my hand, ice cold from the night spent lying on the wood. A slow, wide smile spread across my face as I realised that for once it hadn't been a dream.


	2. Silver Locket

That first month after she came back was the darkest, I loved her as my own flesh yet I loathed myself for being such a burden to her. Often I would think back to the day when I first came home to that abhorred place to find her there waiting for me. Soon I was in love and I prided myself on the fact that I was a strong man, who cared if I was ugly when I had one such as my little Janet to love me. I could protect her and make sure she had the happiness, love and security she had craved as a child and all through those dark years at that foul school. She was my light and my life, she still is to this very day yet back then I could make sure no harm came to her, never again would she feel alone in this wretched world. All too soon though it was I who caused bitter tears to stream down her cheeks, caused her to spend those days wondering the moors, desolate and without a single tie to anywhere in the world. All the while I waited anxiously for her return; searched for her far and wide across the whole country looking for my little lost bird.

Now I was a weak feeble man who relied on the one he loved so much, gone were the days where I could walk, eat and dress myself without help. Try as I may the loss of my right hand and my sight hindered all of my efforts just causing me pain and humiliation. No matter how much she told me that she preferred me this way; that she liked looking after me and having more control over me; I could not bear the thought that I was a burden to her. True enough her help was wanted above all others, there was less humiliation in her kind touches; indeed it also seemed that she delighted in reading to me, so similar was our taste in every field, or describing what the sky or a particular part of the world that at that moment delighted her.

She was my sight now and she was my right hand, the keeper of my heart and preserver of my soul and for that I was truly grateful. The feeling of bliss I felt when in her presence (and we could not bear to be parted for long after so many months of torturous separation) was so intense I feared that I would be consumed with it. I loved her with all my being and I wanted her even more, I was only truly content that she was mine when I slowly put that small band of gold around her finger and felt her own delicate hands slip one onto my own. How I wished I could see what she looked like, dressed in white with a radiant smile and eyes full of love. The ill fated wedding a year since seemed like one of the many bad dreams that had plagued me since that day. Later on the night of our wedding my lack of vision was once again a source of pain, I wished so much to see her that night, and every night since.

The first few days of her return merged into each other, I did not care whether it was day or night; I was no longer living for the sake of the life I had been given. I was living for her. The weeks passed and gradually my periods of depression grew shorter and shorter and further and further apart. I do not now how my beautiful Jane sat by my side when I did not see why she stayed with me, when I doubted her very existence. Sometimes it was just too much like a dream, what had I ever done to deserve such complete happiness? I could only see one logical explanation, that God saw fit to reward one of his most faithful followers, one who tore out her own heart just to follow his own laws. The best reward he could possibly give this angel who walked this earth was her second self, he may be a sinner and an unworthy man yet she deserves complete happiness, and that is something I try my best to give her everyday of her life.

Soon months had passed and winter arrived Ferndean, even in summer the location stopped the heat reaching us and that year winter was particularly bitter and it hit us hard. Jane had suffered on the moors and she dealt with the cold badly, she grew so weak that for a whole week she was too frail to leave her bed. I never left her side; I lay right next to her frustrated that I was no longer able to do anything to help her. We shared our thoughts and she read what I was feeling in my face, she stroked my face and I'm sure she smiled, for I could not see whether she did or not, and said in a quiet voice. "My dear Edward, do not fret so, you should not think that you cannot help me when you yourself are so dependent on others because there is one thing you can do that no one else will ever be able to do. Love me. Your love alone is all I need to make me well again; I can feel radiating off you as you lie here despairing at your inabilities. As long as I have your love I shall be well and perfectly happy" For she knew that it was not just my inability to look after her and provide for her when she was ill that saddened me, she knew that I worried I could not satisfy her even when she was well. "Now Edward, you need not look so woebegone, besides you insisting on lying here with me is doing a wonderful job of keeping me warm." I could not help but smile at that, she always was an elf and knew exactly what spells to use to bring me out of my moods.

Soon Jane was out of bed and she began to prepare for Christmas, it was a celebration that had meant little to me over the years, I had not looked forward to the holiday period since I was a little boy when my only thoughts were that of presents. I knew that it had never been a particularly happy time for Janet either for as a child her aunt has despised her too much to dote on her like she did her own children; and I am sure they were unhappy occasions for her at school for she was made to stay at school while most other girls went home to what families they had. It was also the very first Christmas we had spent together and for these reasons we were both determined to make it a very happy occasion.

The day arrived and I was woken early by Jane pulling the covers off of me as I lay half a sleep on the bed, I laughed at her childish delight for later when we went down to breakfast I noticed she was almost as excited as little Adele who had come home from school for a week. I grinned when it came to the time when I was able to give her her gift. I led her outside or rather I gave her directions and she led me, she was rather puzzled when I told her to go around the back of the house and gasped when we rounded the corner. Waiting for her there was a beautiful palomino mare, although I could no longer ride myself I was determined that she herself should learn for it was something I had loved dearly and now missed terribly. She could not thank me enough and nervously stayed beside me as I tried to get her to pet her. Jane stood in awe as she gently ran her hand down the long smooth muzzle and fed her oats; soon she remembered her gift to me and begged for us to return inside. She could not contain herself when it got to giving me the gift she had obtained in secret; she placed her hands over mine as she helped me take of the wrapping and whispered in my ear that I would be pleasantly surprised. I held the object in my hands and felt every angle of it as I tried to feel what it was, it was not long before I recognised what it was that Jane had given to me and I was struck dumb with gratitude. Jane had given me a small locket to be worn underneath my clothing; I felt the exquisite engravings that had been carved into the surface of the small round pendant. I opened the pendant carefully lest it contained anything that could fall out. I smiled as I felt three locks of hair in them. The first I felt was a coarse thick curl belonging to my own shaggy black mane and I wondered when she had managed to take it without me noticing, the next must have belonged to Adele, and very last soft bundle belonged to a beloved. Once again I ran my thumb over the pendant and it felt as if there was a word written on it. Before I could ask anything Jane said "It says family, although there are no blood ties between the three of us we are a family and we always will be" She came behind me and clasped it around my neck, I smiled as I felt the weight nestle against my chest comfortably, I did not care that as a younger man I may have scorned such feminine items as jewellery. This was proof of the first ever true family I had ever belonged to.

The rest of the day was magical, we spent the afternoon cuddled together by the fire, neither wanted to let the other go. We sat late into the night until we finally retired to bed and expressed our love in gratitude in ways words were not capable of expressing.

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**A/N: Hi so this is chapter 2, i will try and update regularly and any constructive criticism is welcome because i love Jane Eyre and i really want to do it justice. Just a point if any one is interested please check out the song The World Has It's Shine(But I Would Drop It On A Dime) by Cobra Starship it has inspired me alot and i think the lyrics fit Mr Rochester perfectly. R and R plz it's wat we all want.**


	3. Unknown Correspondent

Two years had passed since our wedding and my vision was returning, I remember the day we discovered that my vision would return; it would never be as perfect as it was but I did not care as long as I got to see my darling Jane again. Everyday her face becomes a little clearer to me and I never tire of looking at her, just to simply take in the beautiful elfin creature that I could call mine.

As she lay there right next to me, fast asleep, I wondered what I did to deserve this earthly angel. Wasn't it me who tried to trick her into living a life of sin? Didn't I tell her to forget about the laws of God and man and live with me alone? Wasn't I the one who tried to taint her purity and innocence? It's true that many may think her plain with her irregular features and her tiny frame; but to me she's beautiful. The expression on her face as she sleeps is peaceful; the dreams of children trouble her no more when she knows that she will wake up every morning safe in my arms. A small strand of hair fell in front of her face; I reached out and gently tucked it out of the way then stroked her cheek with the tips of my fingers. She stirred and I held my breath, I didn't want to disturb her and break the spell, she smiled in her sleep and wriggled but didn't wake up. I let out a long, slow, steady breath.

That morning we sat at breakfast, we spent all day together and never tired of each other's company, she had been my eyes for so long we had grown closer than any two people we had ever known. We were devoted to each other. A servant came in with the post, we had had to hire more since John and Mary were struggling, Jane wrote to several people and therefore it was not uncommon for her to receive post, that day she received two letters. The first letter was from the Dent twins; Jane had become quite close to them over the past years as they were sweet natured girls and they were pleased that I had finally been softened. I was quite popular in certain circles and my moodiness had not gone unnoticed, but I was now happier than I had ever been in my life. Their letter was one of trivial matters, innocent discussion of the fate of several acquaintances, Jane was not one to gossip but she liked to know what had become of the many friends she had made since becoming Mrs Rochester.

The second letter was written in a hand I did not know, I had come to recognise the writing of both Diana and Mary since my sight had begun to return yet this was different, the writing was small but neat it was also a plain, undecorated script that was typical of a man. I immediately sensed a threat, it was not that I did not trust my Jane but the letter seemed to be radiating hostility, it was also addressed to a _Miss Jane Eyre_. Whether a deliberate mistake or one made through pure ignorance it did not bode well, everyone who knew us accepted that we came as a pair, we were seldom seen apart, but this person had cut me out of Jane's life like I did not exist. I did not like whoever had written to my angel.

Jane it seemed had no such sense of ill feeling and picked up the letter with a look of excitement, whether they were a regular correspondent I did not know but Jane seemed to be familiar with them. She eagerly opened the letter and began to read; every so often she smiled at something that the mystery author had written. I sat in silence waiting anxiously to discover who had written to my Jane, she seemed to notice the pained expression on my face and said "Don't worry so dear, it's only from St John." My blood ran cold. I knew Jane had never loved him yet I could not help being jealous, he seemed so effortlessly perfect, good looks, good morals, intellectual, interesting. I was a few of those things but how could ever be like him, I was hideous and as sinful as the devil to boot.

Jane seemed to notice the direction in which my thoughts and my mood where heading so she tried her best to soothe my anxious nerves. "Edward, you need not worry so, St John is a good man yet he is not threat to you. I love you with all my heart; I do not say it very often but I love you more than anything on this earth; nothing can keep me from you now we are together once again. I never want to leave your side." I had never loved her more than I did at that moment; I never for one second doubted a word that passed her lips, but the thought of that man still caused my very soul to tremble with anger.

That man had tried to take away everything that was good and meaningful in my life, my best and my dearest Janet. And had it been for love? No. That man had seen her as a tool, merely someone to be used to attain a position closer the heart of God. True his intentions were noble enough, he wished to help those creatures who lived in the height of poverty, heathens who worshipped many gods and knew nothing of the One and Only. Jane, I am sure of it would have been a valuable asset to has as a companion, but he knew as well as I that a few years in that clime and God would have called her to his side for her body is ill suited for such conditions. Despite all his goodness I just hated him more, I remember the words he had used to try and persuade Jane to accompany him and enter into the holy state of matrimony. He had said she was designed for labour not for love, how little he knew of what my darling, my angel was capable of. I knew what love was and many girls who claimed to feel it, they did not know how wrong they were, the girl sitting in front of me, not long over 20 was full of that very same emotion that could be so joyous and so painful. Many men twice her age have never felt passion as strongly as she or I felt for each other, and that man tried to come between us. To kill my Jane under the Indian sun.

In my mind's eye I saw Jane as she was several years ago, dressed in white, the very picture of beauty, grace and modesty. I saw her standing next to a groom yet I saw no familiar mane of jet black curls, there was a head of blonde waves in its stead. The features themselves were softer than my harsh craggy face, unmarked by lines of age or pain. The brow was pale and smooth yet there was no smile gracing his lips, he was not the happy groom who should be marrying that fair creature, his face was that of a man merely performing his duty, there was no look of love in his clear blue eyes or bliss on his handsome features. A man who had everything he could ever need but who did not know or appreciate what he had, a man to be loathed.

A soft sweet voice called me out of my dark vision. "Edward dear, he says he is to be in England in a month and he wishes to stay with us. It would not be for very long and we did not part on very good terms, I wish to reconcile with him for I do not wish for him to spend the rest of his life resenting me. He is a good man Edward; you will like him I am sure." I smiled at Jane's assumption that I would ever like that man, I had never met him and still I hated him more than I had hated any man in my life but I would try my best to forgive him, or at least be courteous, I would do anything for the fairy who had saved me from myself. "I am sure you are right Janet, and if he is as good a man as I have been led to believe he will forgive you. I also hope he has the grace to forgive me my many wrongs, for I have wronged you, his own dear flesh and blood, more than you or I care to think about."

"Shush now do not dwell on such things. Are we not together at last? Are we not blissfully happy? St John will see how much I love you and his sisters admire you and hold no grudge. You are good man despite what you may have done. It does not matter whether St John approves or not, I of course want him to love you as I do and see the kind man you really are, but _I _love you. That is all that matters."

A rush of pure emotion was coursing through my veins as I struggled not to pick her up off the ground, clutch her to my chest, smother her with kisses and never let go. St John's visit would not be pleasant for me but he was her family, he and her sisters were all she had. I would not ruin it for her.

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**A/N: Woohoo plot progression at last, as much as I would have loved to have written countless chapters with random happy scenes from their life it would have got very dull so here we have a plot!!!! Apologies to all those who actually like St John because being a complete Rochester fanatic I don't so he is going to be a bit of a bad guy. Also sorry if my updates aren't very frequent i will try for once a week it's just I am in yr 10 so i get alot of homework!!! therefore don't have very much time for writing which is what i really want to be doing but christmas holidays in 2 weeks were i will try to update more often, grr being 14 is annoying lol. Phew that was long ah well enjoy!!!! **


	4. Arrival

The day of St John's arrival loomed over me like a black cloud, even Jane was waiting with a certain amount of trepidation. She busied herself by helping the servants make the manor spotless, the carpets were beaten, the floor scrubbed, the whole place was aired out making even seldom used rooms seem lived in. All the while she was trying to flush any worry from her mind, she was anxious to please him and make him feel welcome. I did not know how deeply her words had cut him but she seemed to believe she had hurt him more than he had said or rather he hadn't said anything but treated her with disdain and flawless politeness.

For me the day was one that was coming too fast, I could only hope for Jane's sake that I would like the man. If I did it would be buried deep under the jealousy that burned in my breast, he had been there when she had suffered so greatly at my own hands. What he had seen of her true feelings I did not know but he had been with her everyday when it was her company I wanted more than any else in the world, when I was despairing. He had taken what he had for that of a point of intrigue, a study, some one to examine and analyse. He had never once considered loving her. She to me was my reason for living, I had spent my days and nights lost in memories of her and her alone, daily I had prayed for her return, begged for it, cried for it.

Soon the day had arrived, it was a warm June afternoon and we had spent most of the morning putting the finishing touches on his room, like putting a bible on his bedside table. Every so often Jane would gaze out of the window to see if he was visible through the trees, we had sent a servant to fetch him from Millcote with a horse to carry his belongings as it was still impossible to get all the way to the manor by coach. At last she cried out gleefully "He has come, I can see them" she ran downstairs to meet him at the door, I followed not long behind and joined her at the door as he came up the path. I watched the man walk seriously, joylessly up the path towards my home and my wife.

My first view was of a handsome with skin darkened from a prolonged time in a hot country, his hair was already pale but had been bleached nearly white by the Indian sun. His blue eyes were cold and stern, betraying no emotion which, as I usually relied on that organ to determine what a person was feeling, I found particularly frustrating. His garb consisted of a long puritan black, heavy cloak despite the fact it was summer, similar to Jane's dresses of old, the ones I had stopped her from wearing once I regained my sight. No doubt he would disapprove when he discovered the fine, brightly coloured dresses that now filled her wardrobe.

Jane pounced on him and hugged him, a small flicker of jealousy sprung up but I waved it away because I knew I was only sororal love that she felt. I was yet to discover what St John's true intentions were. After friendly greetings were exchanged between the two Jane introduced me. "St John, I would like you to meet my husband, Edward Fairfax Rochester."

"Pleased to be of your acquaintance" was his brief reply

"As am I" I offered my good hand and he took it, his grasp was crushing but I met it with an equally powerful grip, our eyes locked and both our faces expressed the same emotion. Hatred. Jane however, in her bliss at having the two most important men in her life meet and seeing her cousin once again, was oblivious to the sparks flying between us. Jane ushered him inside where she had already laid out refreshments for him, to cool him and revive him after his long journey, we sat down in the drawing room and began a conversation.

"So, how is India St John?" Asked Jane

"Oh, it is as to be expected, it was hard work to begin with but I am now starting to make progress. The community have come to accept my presence as I have helped them develop by building many new buildings including a church where I can preach. The most recent addition is a school; there are many poor, uneducated children in the village, we would have opened it already if it was not for lack of a teacher."

He stressed this last point and looked at Jane fixedly; she blushed and bowed her head with an upset expression, hurt that he had clearly still not forgiven her. I clenched my fists with anger as he had been in this house less than 30 minutes and already he had Jane completely under his control.

"I am sure you will find someone."

She replied rather quietly, still not looking at him.

"Yes, I will not rest until I do."

There followed an awkward pause in which we all sat in silence, drinking tea waiting for someone to say something. Finally I decided to please Jane by drawing St John into a conversation.

"Will you be visiting your sisters while you are in the country?"

"No, it will just cause them unnecessary pain when the time comes for me to leave again, they know of my presence and my wishes. They respect them for they see that there is logic, they are unhappy about it but I can assure you it will be better for them in the long run."

I was shocked at such brief unfeeling words; surely he wished to see his closest relatives? From what I had heard it was unlikely that St John would ever return to England, in fact his visit now had been highly unexpected, did he never want to see the sisters he loved so much again?

The conversation moved onto Morton and the people who lived there, as I did not know these people my thoughts began to wonder. I studied St John's face as talked to Jane; there was glint in his eye and a slight flush in my cheeks, like a child my mind screamed at him that she was mine all mine and no one else could have her. I turned my face from his to hers, I saw happiness there, St John had managed to hide his feelings from her but not from me. How long would I have to bear the presence of this man in my house? He who was trying to steal my darling away from me, but if it wasn't for her I would throw him out in an instant. How could I convince her that this man wanted to take her from me? She would only say it was paranoia from knowing he had tried to do it before. She would also insist that St John was still in love with Rosamond Oliver, the girl who had married another after giving up hope.

We dined at 5 o'clock then returned to the drawing room where Jane and St John carried on talking, I said very little as I did not want to intrude on the conversation. She was desperate to get St John's forgiveness and no matter how much I loathed the man I did not want to take away her happiness. I was more content to watch and listen to the two of them talk, I could learn a lot about the man just by watching. He matched up to everything Jane had told me about him, intelligent, well read, interesting and as cold as ice or at least where anyone but she was concerned.

To my intense relief St John retired to bed early after the long journey leaving me and Jane to stay up a little longer, not long after the door of his room closed Jane turned to me grinning.

"So Edward what did you think of him?" I was cautious not to upset her by being negative.

"He is just like you said darling, I am sure we will get on very well, he seems a decent man."

"I think he has forgiven me, oh I could not be happier if I tried. I feared that he would hold a grudge against me for the rest of his life."

"Of course he wouldn't, you are as good as a sister to him. He is a Christian man is he not, and isn't it the way of Christian's to forgive and forget."

"Yes you are right, I was being foolish, but…"

"What?"

"He is different some how. Warmer. You did not see him before we parted last, I think India has changed him, he is no longer restless, he is happy in his true calling. Yes I'm sure that is it."

"I am sure you are right."

But inside my heart knew that was not it, what had changed St John was love. I did not see him around his former love but from what my Jane had said he acted very differently around to her than he had around Jane yet he was unmistakeably in love with my fairy. It was not the 'fever of the flesh' as he had described his love for Miss Oliver, this was pure untainted love, the kind I felt for Jane yet no where as strong. Like a child St John was determined to get what he wanted this time, I do not know what changed how he felt about her. Maybe it was only after loss that he realised what he had, or maybe more childlike still it was the fact that she was someone else's that made him want her, I am sure it was the former for St John seemed too good for the latter. This did not change my opinion of him in fact I just detested him more, I wanted to find some fault in him, so I could honestly believe that he was not worthy of Jane yet I knew he was, more than I could ever be.

Not long Jane and I too turned in for the night; tired by the excitement of the day it was not long before Jane fell asleep tucked in my arms. It was a long while before I followed her, I lay there holding her ending the day much like I had started the one when St John's letter had arrived. Staring at the beautiful fairy I could call my own, but tonight I wondered for how long I would have that right, I knew she would not leave me through choice for her love was a strong as mine, but the threat was substantial and too close for comfort.

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**A/N: Just like to apologise to all the St John fans again. I am slightly worried the lack of reviews means there are more of you than I thought, please look past that he is a bad guy and be glad he is here at all, if that helps. Probably not. Oh and my updates should be more frequent soon because I break up from school next week.**


	5. Direct Challenge

The longer St John stayed the more I resented him and the love Jane gave him, like a toddler I wanted her all for myself and no one else, anyone who came near her was instantly a threat. Jane was blissfully happy, the two people she loved most in the world were living together under one roof, she sensed none of our enmity. She had married the man she loved with all her heart and the one she loved as a brother had forgiven the past wrongs. She knew nothing of the hostility as we both battled to win her love, even though she had already given us both all she could give.

Even as a small child everything I wanted had been taken from me and given to another, my older brother Rowland, he was a detestable human being who wished to be doted on and spoiled. My father obliged only too happily. To my father Rowland was the perfect son, handsome, intelligent, and commanding, everything needed to be the perfect heir and future master of Thornfield and its estate. To me Rowland was a tyrant and a bully, my tormentor, everything I had he wanted, if I ever denied him something I owned he would plead to father who would either force me to give it to him or buy him the same only bigger and better, either way I was still punished. To stop father ever feeling anything but disappointment in me he told him many false things and in private he would taunt me and beat me to make sure I would never breathe a word to father. He would never have believed me if I had tried, I was too soft, too compassionate to ever be of any value in his eyes, sympathy to my fellow man was a weakness to him.

The only person who had ever loved me visibly was my mother, she saw in me the goodness that neither her husband nor her eldest son possessed. I was by no means a weak child, I grew up fighting and did not accept my 'punishment' from Rowland like a coward, true he was both bigger and older than me but for every ten blows he dealt me I would give him just one of my best. Both my father and my mother knew what went on, where she tried to defend me and begged my father to chastise Rowland, my father saw it as my only way to prove my worth. Even she was taken away from me in the end, all my life she had been shunned by my father and my brother and quite often they would ban her from seeing me for they feared that she would weaken me even further, I needed to be a man her presence would only turn me into a milksop. Eventually when I was ten years old, after constant verbal abuse from my father, sometimes physical, my mother took ill and died. This only strengthened the deep rooted hatred I felt for my brother and father.

Jane's childhood had been similar to mine, and in each other we had found perfect happiness. Now St John had turned into Rowland coming to take from me again, and this time it was my all.

Jane had learned to ride and did so frequently as she had fallen in love with it just as I had. One particular day two weeks into St John's visit, the Dent twins were in the county and invited to Jane to visit them for the day, although she was loathe to leave St John it was rare that they got to see each other so she left early one morning. I had been dreading the day ever since I had known it was going to happen but now it had finally arrived I awoke feeling peaceful, although it was a whole day without my beloved and a whole day stuck in the company of a man I truly detested I had a positive outlook. Yes, I would be without my darling but I would eagerly await the evening and her return, and St John hated me as much as I him we need not speak to or see each other. Jane's absence meant we had no need to be civil to one another we could keep to separate parts of the house, meeting only for meal times.

It was a pleasant day so I resolved to take a walk in the garden filled with the flowers Jane had planted and nurtured; I could also go further a field and walk through the woods that surrounded the manor. I wandered through the gardens watching the birds that hopped around in the grass by my feet and sang cheerfully to each other in the branches high above. I walked through the trees at a leisurely pace enjoying the cooling breeze that filtered through the rustling leaves and ruffled my hair. Not far from Ferndean I came across a figure who was also strolling through the trees, stopping every so often to examine a particularly interesting wild flower or fungus. I stiffened when I recognised the tall muscular form, the years of hard labour had taken its affect and even the long black robes did not fully hide the bulk. He seemed to sense my presence and slowly turned around; I saw a flash of pure contempt in his ice blue eyes as he caught sight of me. He quickly regained his calm composure and began to walk towards me with the apparent intent of starting a conversation, I was slightly puzzled as his features had just betrayed his true feelings towards me yet he still wished to carry on as if we had been friends since childhood.

"Good morning Rochester." He called in his soft voice as he got closer.

"St John, I trust you slept well." I replied rather coldly.

"Impeccably, you really do have a truly wonderful home." He said, keeping up his cheerful façade.

"Thank you, I have grown to love it since Jane came back to me, before she was here the place was little better than a dungeon."

"Yes, she manages to bring light to even the darkest places." I bristled as he said this, what right did he have to say such things about my wife, with that look of love in his eyes?

We walked back to the house in stony silence every so often St John would comment on the weather or an interesting creature; I would simply grunt a reply and carry on walking. When we finally reached the house I withdrew to the library hoping to spend my whole day in there, asking a servant to bring food when I needed it, only leaving when Jane returned. I was just about to close the door and sit down when I noticed St John had followed me and wished to come in. At last I snapped and all the civility dropped from my manner as I growled my question. "How long are you planning on staying with us St John?"

"I will stay until I have what I came back for." He said perfectly calmly which only served to rouse my anger even more.

"And what exactly is it that you want St John"

"I am sure you know perfectly well how I feel about Jane. I will not rest until I am able to take her to India with me and have her to love as my own, she belongs there, she deserves a place in heaven by God's side. If she devotes her life to God's work the greater her reward will be in eternity." Replied St John who was still perfectly calm, in a drawling voice.

"Jane is my wife!" I shouted "I love her and if you take her away from me I would die, you did not see my life before I met her, we are happier together than we have been at any point in our lives. Even one day of separation from each other is painful. How dare you try and take her away from me! She is my life, take her away and I have nothing!"

"Don't talk about her like that; I do not consider you married. You, who ripped her heart to shreds by lying to her, have never deserved one such as her. I will not leave here until I have her." He spat venomously.

"And I will not let her leave me until she can look me in the eye and say with all honesty that she doesn't love me! She loves me more than anything in the world and you know it, it's tearing you to shreds because you know that you will not separate us. Leave here St John, go back to India and live your life as a servant to God, leave and forget about her St John. It will be better for all of us."

Still St John remained calm and impassionate, speaking his words clearly and coldly with no change in his expression, I had seen him preach the bible with more feeling. "I will not forget her. She is not Rosamond Oliver, a fleeting fancy, a desire of the flesh. She is a missionary's wife and I will have no other, your marriage means nothing to me, God wishes for our union and nothing shall get in my way."

"You call that love." I scorned him; I would have laughed had I not been so desperate. "You know nothing of what Jane and I feel, a love that is so pure and so strong, no mortal being shall come between us, not even death will part us."

"You think I do not love her, you are wrong. I love her more than you think I am capable of. If you truly loved her you would give her up to me, you would rather she lived her life working by my side and go to heaven to live with God than have her dragged down to the pits of hell with you. For I fear your sins are so great that even if you lived your life pure and sinless from this point you would not rectify what you have done." The anger burned inside me as he said these words, I knew I had done wrong but it had been purely out of love for Jane, or they were the deeds of a man so desolate he had forgotten God in his own misery. I would have given anything to make Jane happy and if I truly believed she would be whilst slaving away in India with this man, I would tear my heart and soul from my own chest and let her leave me, and never see her again in this life.

"If you loved her you would want her to be happy, you would care more about what she feels than your self, she is happy here. She is happy with me, in fact she is more than happy, she is truly loved. It is not the kind of selfish half love that you offer, it is the most magical thing it is possible to feel on this earth and that is what we have right here."

St John scoffed "Say what you will Rochester I will not rest until I can call her my own." With that he left the room and went to study the bible, my mood was rapidly spiralling out of control, my life had been perfect before he came and now I had a direct challenge, one I couldn't ignore.

I waited until Jane was expected home impatiently, I was desperate to hold her in my arms and feel her comforting presence. I left the house and began walking up the road at a fast pace so I could meet Jane and her horse sooner, much like she had come to meet me several years ago in the night of our wedding. The wind that had previously been gentle was now ripping the leaves off the branches and tearing at my hair, it had not yet begun to rain but the sky was thick with dark, swollen clouds. At last I heard the steady pounding of hoofs beats as Jane returned home, the wind suddenly dropped as she rounded the bend and caught sight of me. She called out to me "Edward! Climb on, I wish to return home quickly for this is only the brief calm before the storm." I happily obeyed, I put my arms around her as we rode on protecting her from the rain which had just began to fall. I kissed her passionately as I prayed to God begging him to protect us from the storm that was about to erupt inside our own home.


	6. Belief

As he was in England, St John left to visit some old friends for a few days, ones he had not had a chance to visit before he first went out to start his missionary work. I was happy at a break from his company as I had Jane all to myself once more, I did not have to worry about St John and when he planned to try and take Jane from me. I knew Jane loved me, we were like two halves of the same soul, we shared a connection so deep that no one could break it, but could Jane's love for her cousin be the thing that tore us apart?

While he was away our life went back to normal only to me it was one thousand times sweeter, all the things I had previously taken for granted were now clarified as the true gifts they really were. As a boy I had always loved riding and had taken the love with me as a man, I had missed it terribly after the fire rendered me incapable of mounting a horse again. When my sight returned we had come up with a way for me to ride once again, by holding the reigns normally with my one had and tying them above my elbow on the arm without a hand. Jane and I rode together frequently before St John had arrived, and while he was away we used it as an opportunity for another one.

With me on Mesrour and Jane on the horse I had given her on our first Christmas as a married couple, left the woods into the open country side. We planned to spend the whole day out together and had taken food with us to have a picnic when we got hungry. We spent the morning roaming the country side, stopping every so often to admire an object of particular interest. It was around midday when we laid eyes on our resting point, Jane had expressed a wish to stop and eat amongst the ruins of Thornfield and it lay in front of us. We had spent the morning in high spirits, every so often racing each other, laughing and joking, but the sight of Thornfield changed the mood into a more sombre one. The place was full of so many memories, both good and bad, it was a strong reminder of Bertha and my unhappy childhood but it also contained memories of Jane, of love and of hope. I turned her and saw the expression on my face mirrored on her own, it was not an unhappy one, the sight of Thornfield was a welcome one yet there was a certain amount of trepidation written on her features.

We reached the spot where front entrance used to be, the rough edges of the rubble had been weathered over three years, all sharp corners were now blunt and many walls that had been left partially standing had collapsed. We strolled amongst the grey stone until we entered the gardens, they were over grown and unkempt but the original borders were distinguishable, the grass was long and weeds had sprung up in the flower beds but a kind of savage beauty still returned. The place in the orchard where I had first declared my love for Jane was still visible and the memories came flooding back. Jane declaring us to be equals, Jane listening calmly and quietly to the tale of Celine, Jane playing with Adele on the grass. Amongst the rubble I could pick out all the different rooms, the images were string and clear in my mind, clearer than my eyes would ever be able to see again. I saw Jane as the nervous little mouse I first ever summoned to my presence in the drawing room; I remember how I watched her slowly blossom into the beautiful, confident woman by my side. There were darker memories of hours spent in the company of the tedious and detestable Blanche Ingram, watching Jane out of the corner of my eye searching anxiously for any sign of emotion or pain on her face. Anything that might betray any feelings of love towards me, anything other than respect for her master and employer and the familiarity of a friend.

I had previously been nervous about the effect Thornfield would have on us, but now as I walked amongst the scorched ruins with Jane by my side I realised there had been nothing to fear. True, without Jane the memories may have been bitter and painful, ones of Bertha's time and of when Jane had taken her light away and it became hell once more. When she was with me she claimed all of my thoughts, my mind could have also been haunted by the memories of my mother's death, but how could they be when I had the soothing presence of my darling Jane. In the distance was the chestnut tree, the two halves had never fully separated but they were now blackened and dead, moss had spread over them like a thick carpet, wild flowers were growing around the trunk and many different kinds of insects lived underneath. Fresh memories awoke in my brain, flooding through me and claiming all my attention, I saw Jane too was reeling from the sheer power of the human mind. Past and present were merging into one in my mind as snippets from my life jostled for attention in my head, only one thing remained constant. Jane. Her face, her eyes, her voice, her smell, her smile, her hair, the one thing in my life worth holding onto, the desire to fight to keep her tooth and nail grew stronger and stronger.

We sat at the base of the tree; its death had marked the true start of our union, sometimes blissful and other times fraught with sadness. My love for her was like fire in my veins, being pumped to every inch of my body and toes by the core of my being, my heart. I could hold it in no longer; I pulled her onto my lap and locked my arms around her, showering her with kisses. She eagerly responded as the memories Thornfield had brought to the surface had had the same affect, we were overwhelmed with pure love as we clung to each other, forgetting the whole world as if nothing existed except the two of us right there and then. We broke apart and lay back against the trunk breathless and flushed yet euphorically happy, Thornfield only served to remind us of what we had and what we had become, the suffering we had experience to get there only made us closer and our love stronger and more intense. Happiness and sadness were like life and death; one could not exist without the other; they were polar opposites and the negative only served to highlight the positive. Death made life worth living and sadness made happiness that much sweeter.

I put my arm around her and she nestled in beside me, resting her head on my shoulder and I knew I had to say something before it was too late and I lost her to St John forever. Nervously I began to speak, unsure where to begin.

"Jane you do know I love you don't you?"

"Of course I do, haven't you just shown that?" She exclaimed, rather puzzled at my abrupt question.

"No, I mean I love more than anything in the world, I might die if I lost you."

"Edward, what has brought this on, I will never leave you. I love, I would die for you."

"Then St John either has to go back to India or to stay with his sisters for his remaining time in England."

"Why!? Of course I won't send him out of the house."

"He means us harm, he means me harm."

"Edward this is ridiculous, I know you are still insecure because he proposed to me a few years ago but he honestly doesn't love me he never has, surely you can see that."

"He does love you."

"Of course he doesn't, he is a devout man and no woman will ever come between him and his love for God. I do not envy his wife if he ever decides to take one, besides I am already married and very happily so, why would I throw that away for him? This is just some silly notion your paranoia has conjured up in your mind."

"Please Jane listen to me, he wants to take you away from me, he is not the saint you think he is Jane." She pulled away from me clearly angry but in my desperation I did not heed it and foolishly blundered on.

"He is not all holiness and goodness, his motives are selfish, he came to England to get you and he will not leave until he does. Why can't you see past you family ties and see the man he truly is, you have a rose tinted view of him Jane and I fear it may be the death of the both of us."

She stood up and looked down at me as my eyes met hers and I shot her a pleading look, her eyes were filled with pain as she was genuinely hurt. Inside she was fighting a fierce battle as she saw I was in earnest but was unsure as to whether it was a figment of my over active jealous imagination, finally sheer anger and a firm belief in her cousins nature won and I was rewarded with a cold look. The look sent a dagger through my heart as I knew I had hurt the one that I loved best.

"How dare you speak of him like that Edward, you have been trying to find a fault in him ever since he came because you cannot let go of something that happened years ago. Do you doubt my love? Is that what it is? Do you think I am a liar? St John is a good man and I love you Edward, you are dearer to me than my own flesh and blood and never has that love hurt me until now. I have never done anything to make you doubt how I feel for you, yet you claim I have the power to leave you, that I will never do." The tears were streaming down her face but she was shaking with rage, she turned and ran towards where the horses were tied. I called after her but she didn't turn back towards me, she mounted and cantered away into the distance. I collapsed into the grass and cursed my own stupidity, we had never argued like this before, if St John chose this time to make his move our stubborn characters and headstrong natures could make it fatal.

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**A/N: Hey people just thought I would leave a Christmas message as it is Christmas Eve and also the usual apology because I always have something to apologise about. Today it's melodramatics so just to say I'm really sorry if this chapter is melodramatic! Merry Christmas! **


	7. Questions

A week passed and Jane was still hurt, she had spent two years nursing me and I thought she would leave me, every time I tried to explain; it involved St John and she refused to question his character. We rarely argued and it was never this serious; Jane had moved into one of the chambers built for the servants that we did not possess. As the days went by I grew more and more desperate and St John grew more and more confident, Jane could not go to me for comfort in the her sadness as I was the source of the pain so St John happily filled my shoes. Jane could not see that he offered his shoulder for other reasons than compassion and friendship. She looked pale and ill, her eyes were bleary from crying, I wanted so badly to hold her and comfort her but she would not let me until I took back what I said and I just couldn't. Every glance she shot me was full of pain, anger and sadness; stabbing through my heart until there was no room left.

I was called away for the day on business, I was loathe to leave Jane even if she was angry with me, St John would not dare to make a move while I was around. I knew that if he did anything that it would be then, when I was away and Jane was the most vulnerable. Again and again I cursed him and my own stupidity while I rode out to visit some of my tenants, a usually tedious job made even worse by the thought of Jane and St John preying on my mind. The day was long; the money matters kept me from my home and my wife and I began to grow irritable. My answers to questions were short and abrupt but I did not care what impression I made on any of those that I met, I could not name a single one, they could have been my dearest friends and I would not have know it. My mind was at home, with her. I declined the offer of a drink at the end of the day as I wished to get home as soon as possible, I just wanted to be with her, I did not care any more I was not going to put up with the silence any longer. Jane looked ill and miserable and all the while my heart was breaking, while St John was still a threat Jane and I had to be stronger than ever. I could not afford for us to be weakened by an argument that would sort itself in the long run, either St John would reveal his true intentions to Jane or leave for India without her.

I mounted Mesrour an urged him into a gallop, travelling as fast as I could without hurting him. His muscles strained underneath me as we raced home; again I urged him on as all I wanted was to have Jane in my arms, to protect her from St John. Although it was late it was summer, the sky was light and the temperature was mild, the sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon when at last Ferndean was in sight. The clouds had been stained pink and the sky was a fiery orange, I looked out of habit yet did not truly take in the beauty of the sunset as I usually would. All I cared about was Jane.

I entered the house and decided not to announce my arrival to anyone but the servants who were watching for my arrival. I bade them to be quiet and sent them all away bar one who I got to see to Mesrour, I stole up the stairs quietly as I wished to surprise Jane. I longed to see her smile again, all I wished was for us to be together and be happy. We could face St John together. As I grew near to the landing I heard the murmur of voices coming from the library, it was late and I head expected everyone to be in bed yet I could easily pick out the light and loved tones of Jane and the low hated ones of St John. My blood boiled and sweat began beading on my forehead as fear and anger took over in equal measure, for a moment I stood motionless, struck dumb by the sheer power of the emotions that had arisen. The door was slightly ajar and I stole closer to survey the scene within, Jane was in a chair by the fire reading quietly, she looked exhausted and my anger towards St John grew stronger for keeping her up when she was unwell. St John on the other hand was sitting there doing nothing and looked nervous, I knew what he was about to do but before I could burst in and stop him he spoke.

"Jane, the time has some for us to discuss my departure."

"Oh St John do you have to go? I will miss you terribly and I know I will never see you again as you will not return, it feels like we have only just grown reacquainted and you're leaving already."

"I'm afraid I must, I depart to India from Portsmouth in 10 days and I fear you are right, I will never again return to England. But as to never seeing you again I hope you are mistaken."

"What ever do you mean St John?"

"Come with me."

I stood watching in horror, I couldn't move to stop him but I couldn't walk away, a part of me wanted to see how Jane would answer without my interference and another part couldn't bear to watch. I was torn; fighting a battle within myself that rendered my body powerless. Jane's expression was one of shock and confusion and St John's was one of hope and eager expectation, he honestly thought he could persuade her.

"What!? St John, how can I?"

"You need not take any of your things, none of your dresses are practical for labour, I have already arranged for us to travel to London where we can buy you everything you need. From there we can go to Portsmouth and then on to India, and God's work."

"But St John I am married, I cannot just leave all of this behind, I love Edward."

"Jane I was a fool when I proposed to you; I did not recognise what love was and I did not know that I felt it. I treated you with cool indifference for our last few weeks at Moor House and I fear that is what finally drove you to seek Mr Rochester again, if I had only offered you what I offer now you may have come and eventually grown to love me as I love you. Yet I did not speak to you for fear of betraying the feeling of I had felt at your refusal, how had you dared to refuse me? And why did it hurt so much. I was bitterly disappointed when you refused me and I did not forgive you until it was too late, it was only after you had left that I realised I loved you."

"Loved me? St John this is madness, you loved Rosamond you never felt anything for me."

"Don't mention her; I wasted many hours over 'love' for that girl, it makes me ashamed to think of my cupidity in thinking I loved one such as her. Too late I discovered that what I truly loved was right under my nose. How could I not love you Jane? You are good and kind, intelligent and diligent. We are perfect for each other but I know you do not love me and you never will. So I assure you I will never mention this love to you again for you are married in the eyes of God and nothing can over power that. We can go as brother and sister as you wished to originally, you felt the call from God when I asked you on the moors, I could see it in your eyes. Don't deny him Jane; don't deny God your servitude, come with me."

Jane looked hesitant as by this time he was kneeling in front of her chair begging her to come with him, by the light of the fire I could see the anguish in his eyes. If it had been any other man I would have felt for such pain but I knew I had felt agony much worse for that girl, my wife, we had both suffered to be together and I would be damned if I would let him take her away from me. The sweat on my forehead grew cold as I remembered with horror Jane's own words to me describing the day St John had proposed to her on the moors. She had likened it to receiving a summons from God, the heavens opening and revealing her true calling, but she had not gone because of me. Now what reason did she have to say, I loved her so much but I still doubted her. Why did I doubt her? I could not stay and I turned from the door, retiring to my bed not wanting to hear the answer she gave. I walked slowly into my dark and lonely chamber; Jane should have been curled up and sleeping peacefully, I should have been able to climb into bed and be by her side. Instead she was with him.

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**A/N: Well it looks like I am apologising again, firstly I am sorry this is short I am not entirely happy with it but I had to get on with it or this chapter would never get done, it was difficult. Secondly conversations are not my strong point so this one is also short. Sorry. I hope you had a good Christmas.**


	8. Reformation

I tossed and turned all night, sleeping very little, every time sleep took me I was haunted of dreams of them together. I did not question her love for me; her strength had kept her love for me burning in her chest over the year of separation just as mine for her had been the only warmth in my cold, bleak heart. I rose early as I could no longer bear to stay in bed and not know, Jane too was an early riser so I went down to breakfast to search for her. I saw a servant preparing breakfast and I asked "Have you seen Jane this morning?"

"Why yes I have, it was most irregular she left with master Rivers just before the sun rose, most of the servants had just risen and they came downstairs and left together."

My heart began to pound in by chest as I sprinted up the stairs to the room where she had been sleeping for the past week; it looked as if it Jane had never been there. All Jane's clothes were in the wardrobe in our room but I was not fooled by there absence, St John had said last night that Jane need not take anything with her. I tore through the house searching for one item, the pearl necklace, if Jane would have taken one reminder of me with her I know that would be the item. I knew if she did not wear it around her neck she kept it wrapped in a velvet cloth in a locked drawer by our bed. I went straight to the drawer to find it unlocked and wide open. Both the necklace and the cloth were missing. I feel to my knees with tears of pain, anger, disbelief and pure hatred fill my eyes. Pain because my light was gone, anger because she had been taken from me, disbelief because I could not bring my self to believe that the one I loved so dearly would leave me and finally hatred for the man who had persuaded my angel to leave my side.

Slowly I stood up feeling weak and unstable as I began to rummage through Jane's things searching for anything else that she had taken with her. My eyesight was poor at the best of times but when blurred with bitter, anguished tears I could see nothing but faint smudges of colour yet it was of little consequence to me. I had recently bought her a new sketch book as her old one was running out; I searched for the old one desperately as it contained many memories but to no avail, I only found the new, leather bond one. I opened it a found one picture, I blotted my eyes to see a detailed pencil sketch of me; I remembered the day she had drawn it. I had just given her the book and she insisted on doing her first drawing then and there, it was a beautiful summers day so we sat outside, I had eventually realised that it was me she had been drawing. I begged and pleaded but she would not let me see as she did not like the sketch, I grabbed for the book but she pulled it out of my reached. Playfully we began to wrestle; rolling around in the grass laughing with delight at our childish game, exhausted she had collapsed onto my chest and we kissed passionately. The sketch book lying forgotten on the grass. Now my tears splashed over the image she had worked so hard to get right, it was perfect but my tears splashed onto the cheeks of face in front of me. Making it look like the drawing was also crying over the loss of his Jane, we had been so happy the day it had been created, before St John had even written. Unaware that the end to the bliss was coming fast.

Blindly I stumbled towards my study where I knew a decanter of whisky stood in a drawer; I needed to drown my sorrows. Return to better days. The day passed in a drunken stupor, I cared little for respectable behaviour, why should I? What did I have now that Jane was gone? I awoke in the middle of the night with a hang over, my head was pounding, the dehydration from excess alcohol intensified by the fall of many tears. I was tired and I walked to the servant's room where Jane had slept, I walked in and her scent surrounded me. I collapsed onto the bed and curled tightly into a ball yet I did not sleep. I buried my nose into the pillow and closed my eyes, I breathed in deeply and inhaled the scent of her hair, with my eyes closed I could almost believe she was there beside me. Almost. My cold body told me there was no human warmth next to me; the comforting presence I craved was absent; in its place lay despair and anguish.

I slept little yet I dragged myself out of Jane's bed and into the bathroom, the mirror presented me with a ghastly sight, but I did not care. My eyes were bloodshot and my jaw was covered in a sprinkling of coarse black prickles but I could not bring myself to care enough to shave. Then I remembered the words Jane had spoken to me when she had left me for the first time _"I advise you to live sinless, and I wish you to die tranquil."_ I turned to God with my plea but unlike my many prayers for Jane this was not selfish; I did not cry for her return though I wished for it with every fibre of my being. I asked for two simple things firstly I asked that I may see her again in heaven for again I remember her parting words, I had asked her what I should do with her gone; what life did I have, do I have? Her reply showed her true Christian spirit and strength of character; the strength I loved so much. _"Do as I do: trust in God and yourself. Believe in Heaven. Hope to meet again there." _ This time I would follow her advice and strive to live the life of a man who truly deserved her; not just out of love for her; my past meant I would never be that man. The second and most important thing I prayed for was that wherever she may be and whoever she may be with, St John in India or some other place. I prayed that Jane may be truly happy. The happiness she deserved; the happiness she had with me. Living without Jane would kill me; but for the rest of my life I would strive to be worthy of her love, to deserve one of God's finest angels.

I did not turn to drink that day for I refused to let myself fall back into the God forsaken life I led before Bertha took my hand and eye from me. I would learn from Jane's strength and bear the unbearable with dignity, though inside I may be dying outside I would remain composed. I was a wreck when Jane had returned to me; she had saved me from myself and I did not wish to undo all her hard work.

A week passed in misery; I would not let others see the deep pain I felt but all the servants knew, I was polite to them but all the warmth that Jane had channelled into my heart had dissipated once again. I returned back to our bed as it contained more memories of her and our time together, I slept on her side clinging on to her faint but lingering scent. The bed was wide and cold; I turned my back on the empty space as it only served as a reminder of her absence. I no longer cared for my looks so my hair was ragged but I had removed the stubble from my face. Exactly a week after her departure I walked amongst the gardens; every flower had been planted by her and she delighted in watching them grow and the buds unfurl. Now the whirl of colour was a reminder of what was missing from my now grey and empty life.

I was bent over a flower; mine and Jane's favourite kind when I heard a voice call out my name, I snapped up and whirled around. There on the path was Jane; I could not believe my eyes. I ran towards her calling her name; I pulled her tightly into my arms and wept into her hair. "What is this?" she asked in a worried voice with a confused expression on her face "Has something happened Edward?"

"Where have you been?" I asked ignoring the questions she had just asked "You left without a word; I thought you had gone to India with him!"

"I escorted St John to London and no further, just before we left I ran to get my sketch book and asked him to tell one of the servants where we had gone. Did you not get the message?"

Of course, he had lost Jane so he chose to get his final revenge on me, knowing I would be in anguish.

"No, I have been worried sick. We had argued and I was just about to try and reconcile with you when I saw you with him, I saw him ask you to go with him. I could not bear to watch you and him and in the morning you had gone."

"Oh Edward I am so sorry, I did not know. I have had a lot to think about over the past week and I many things to say."

"Let me go first" I interrupted. "Oh Jane I am so sorry for everything I said, can you ever forgive me? He is your cousin and I should have put my feelings for him aside for you. I am sorry I doubted you; I was foolish, I love you and this past week without you has been hell, I do not ever wish to be parted from you again. After all you have done for me I have never truly shown my gratitude and now I wish to give you the recognition you deserve. You know of my past and I came to England a broken man and you made me whole again but through my own blunders we were separated. Despite how I had wronged you and how deeply I had hurt you, you still returned and became my wife; that was the happiest day of my life Jane. That day I could truly call you my own, for two years you nursed me and loved me and still I wronged and hurt you, that was unforgivable. I am so sorry my love." I held her close to my body again but she pulled away.

"Now Edward it is my turn. I am not the angel you paint me as; I too have my faults; I too have wronged and hurt you. I doubted you too. I did not trust you when you told me of St John's true intentions, yes I was hurt by what you said for I would never ever leave you. I was too wrapped up in my own world and my own happiness to notice your discomfort, I knew you did not get on but I was too blind to see the truth in your words and I am sorry."

I pulled her close, held her face in my hands and whispered the words "I forgive you." Jane looked up with tear filled eyes and said "And I forgive you Edward." I pulled her mouth to mine and kissed her, our tears mingled as they ran down both our cheeks, tears of joy and pain, happiness and sadness. We had both hurt and been hurt but that no longer mattered for we were in each other's arms once more and that where we belonged. We pulled away and walked back to the house, taking her small soft hand in my own big rough one. She turned to me slowly and stopped just before we reached the door. "There is one more thing Edward." She said nervously.

"What is it?"

"While I was in London I visited a doctor." Panic flooded through me at these words and I anxiously began to ask questions. "What's wrong? Are you OK?"

"Edward it is nothing to worry about, it is something I have suspected for a few weeks now but after we argued I began to feel ill and it confirmed my suspicions, I just checked with a doctor."

"And?" I demanded, impatiently. Her face broke out into a nervous smile as she drew a deep breath. "Edward, I'm pregnant."

I lifted her into my arms and span her around and around, laughing with delight.

"You are happy then?" she asked.

"Happy! I'm delighted." She grinned and looked into my eye with her large green ones. "Edward, I love you."

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**A/N: Just like to remind you I put eye deliberately it's not a typo, anyway for once this is not an apology (I'm sure I have something to apologise for but other than bad writing I can't think of anything). I really need your opinion on something before I write my next chapter, I want to write an epilogue and have two things happen and you can either have two normal length chapters with deatil or one thats rather condensed. Please let me know because I can't write untill I know what you want. Thanks (the alternative is that this could be the end and there could be no epilogue at all) **


	9. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: Despite what I have written Charlotte Bronte wrote Jane Eyre, not Jane 'cause she doesn't exist! (we all know that but just in case :D)**

The months of Jane's pregnancy had passed in blissful anticipation, and now all I could do was wait. Amongst the happy imaginings of my future with my darling Janet and our children, for I was sure there would be many more to come, there were other much darker thoughts. Not happy scenarios but worries, child birth was by no means risk free and with Jane's already weakened health I once again turned to God. Praying that if one had to die that he would spare her, it was not that I did not yearn to have a child with her, a symbol of our love. The two of us in complete harmony, each with the strongest and purest feeling of love towards the other, fused into another living, breathing being. But there would be other chances and unlike before Jane would not be able to come back, to be by my side in the land of the living, she would be with God forever until I too drew my final breath.

I heard the infantile cry of our new born baby and I rushed into the room I had previously been forbidden to enter. Jane's hair had escaped from the bun she had tied it in and it hung wildly around her face, some tendrils stuck to the moisture on her forehead that came from the exertion of child birth. There were dark circles under her eyes as the labour had been a long one that had lasted all through the night, and it would be many weeks before she returned to her normal size. The rays of the newly risen sun glinted of the leaves of the trees; some the early buds were just beginning to open as spring developed. The rays shone through the window into the room and Jane had never looked more beautiful, she looked up at me with a radiant smile on her face as she held our new born son in her arms.

I picked him up for the first time and just looked, he had coal black eyes like the rest of the Rochester family but pale skin like Jane. He looked around him, taking in this strange new world, staring into my eye which was so like his own. But mine had lost its brilliance. "I think we should call him John." I said, I knew that Jane wanted to name him John after her uncle and despite all he had done, St John too. She looked up at me with love shining in her eyes, she was grateful as she had never expected me to agree. But it seemed right, in trying to drive us apart St John had made us closer than ever, the bond between us would never ever be broken now. He had also provided for Jane when I had been unable, been a friend when I had hurt her. John was also the male counter part of Jane and I knew if we ever had a daughter she would never permit me to call her Jane. I squeezed her hand as she saw that I had forgiven her cousin and smiled as I looked down into his eyes once again and said to him "John Eyre Rochester, a fine name for our beautiful son."

A year later Jane had another son whom we named Richard, because Mason had been a true friend to me and had never agreed with what he had to do. I never blamed him. The poor soul succumbed to the same illness that claimed his mother's and his sister's minds and died alone in the same mental asylum as his mother. Our sons were very close, more like twins than brothers, their personalities complemented each other perfectly. Two years later we had a daughter called Helen, she took after her mother in looks and personality. I was often accused of spoiling her, but it was never serious, I only had to look at the humour in Jane's eyes to see that. Neither of us had had a happy childhood and when John was born we both vowed that our children would always be happy and always be loved. They should have the childhood we had never had, Jane's had been worse than mine and she never let the children doubt she didn't love them.

Jane taught all three of them until they were old enough to go to school, she had had plenty of experience, she was a fine teacher and an excellent, caring mother. When John left for the school Richard, the quieter of the two, grew even more so as he missed him terribly, we all did. Jane and I had made sure that the school was a good one that he would enjoy; she made sure they would never have the same experience. A year later Richard followed and a further two years after Helen left Jane and me alone once more. We still loved nature and spent most of our days combing the countryside around the manor with no one but each other for company. That was all we needed. We missed the children and wrote to them regularly, they all loved their school lives but they were over very quickly.

After completing university John and Richard took over the running of the estate, neither of them possessed the greed or arrogance that dominated my father and my brother. They were well liked as they were fair and kind. All three of our children married and had children of their own; they married for love rather than status and or wealth and were very happy. The children decided, with out blessing, to rebuild Thornfield. The weather had destroyed most of the wreckage and left only the foundations still standing. It was a long process but it was true to the original in almost every way, the memories it brought were over whelming. I smiled at the thought of my grandchildren growing up in the house that had meant so much to me, the one that I had grown up in.

It is often said that the good die young, but it is not surprising, why would God not want one such as my darling Janet by his side? I woke one morning and fondly watched her sleeping but it was not long before I noticed something was wrong. With anguish I noticed she was not breathing, my pulse rate quickened as I searched desperately for hers. I knew that I was too late; nothing I could do would revive her. Gently I stroked her stone cold face and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ears, a tender, loving gesture I hade many times during her life. The expression on her face was peaceful as she had not been scared to die, she was only unwilling to leave me. I stared at her face, still beautiful even in death, her once pale skin now snow white as the palor mortis had made its mark on her features.

I cried out in pain and Helen came running to see what the problem was, I gestured at the bed, too overcome with grief to form a coherent sentence. Calmly she walked over to her mother and checked in vain for any signs of life. She turned to me with tears running silently down her face, she whispered to me, her voice weak. "I'll go and fetch John and Richard." They had all come to stay for Christmas bringing their families with them, with in minutes Helen had returned with her brothers. They had obviously been told already as their faces were solemn when they silently. They began talking about what to do with the body and sending for the undertaker, I barely listened, unwilling to leave Jane's side. Eventually I had remove my night shirt and change into my day clothes, I was not hungry and did not wish to eat breakfast.

The funeral was three days later and I had barely left her for more than a few minutes each day but finally the time to say good bye arrived. The family were all assembled to say their final farewell before the lid was placed over the coffin and her body was laid to rest. She was dressed in pure white and a small bouquet of lilies had been placed in her hands, but I noticed something was missing. I told everybody to wait as I had one last thing to do, I walked upstairs to our cold, empty bedroom. Her things were left exactly as she had put them as no one had been able to bring themselves to sort through her things; I found the key to her drawer and opened it. It was empty except for the shock of purple I was looking for and a book, it was thick and I assumed it was a prayer book until I noticed that there was a message written in Jane's elegant script. It read _For my darling Edward_, I picked it up and hurriedly placed it in my pocket. I retrieved the small bundle of purple velvet and returned down stairs, they parted as I made my way towards her. I unwrapped the little parcel and removed the pearl necklace I had given to her all those years ago, I fastened it round her neck. It had grown to mean so much to the both of us. She would not be buried without it.

That evening I noticed there was a weight in my pocket; it was a few moments before I remembered the small book. I pulled it from my jacket, opened it and began to read _"There was no possibility of taking a walk that day…" _I stayed by the fire all night. Not looking up until I had read St John's final words_ "'Amen; even so come, Lord Jesus!'" _I saw that I had read through the entire night and the sun was now rising, I knew that our story had to be published; my own Jane's beautiful writing to be seen by the world. I hurriedly sent it off to the publisher under the pseudonym Currer Bell, I then began to write my own story, what you yourself are reading this very instant.

I have not been able to rest until I had finished, it has taken a week of writing non stop all day, pausing only to eat and sleep. I hope now I may finally be able to sleep forever, and once again be reunited with my Angel.

_Dear reader,_

_Edward Fairfax Rochester died on the 9__th__ of January in the year of our Lord Eighteen Fifty eight, after receiving conformation from a publisher wishing to print the work of a one Currer Bell. Three weeks after the death of his beloved wife and faithful companion, Jane Rochester, may they rest for eternity in each others company._

_Signed_

_John Eyre Rochester_

_

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_**A/N: Yes I'm sorry you asked for two chapters but it turned out I didn't have as much material as I thought so it is one *Looks sheepish* Sorry it took a long time to come as well but I would like to thank all of those who have read this story. In particular **_**Teela71, nasimrochester, sedarephs, LJane, Choccolatte, Grace, Windinthereeds, Merry-Christmas, bookworm33 and karmencorn. **_**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it, if you have any suggestions or comments please review and tell me what you thought, thanks again.**


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